And That Makes Nine
by crittle247
Summary: Tag to Season 7 -Patriot Down - "His badge was grasped in his right hand as his thumb slowly ran across the all too familiar ridged band of black elastic" Tony remembers all the fallen agents since he started at NCIS.
1. That Makes Nine

Tony DiNozzo stood frozen in front of the huge plasma that showed a picture of NCIS Special Agent Lara Macy. Even though he was looking at the monitor, his sight was glued to his own plasma screen in his mind that had many more photos on it. His badge was grasped in his right hand as his thumb slowly ran across the all too familiar ridged band of black elastic. McGee was at his desk reading off her personal file, Tony could faintly hear that she had left the LA office under special circumstance and was transferred to the Force Protection Attachment in Marsa.

"You're supposed to feel safer on American soil," Tony found himself saying, even though the deaths of every agent had been on said 'safe' soil.

"It could have happened anywhere, to any of us," Ziva said standing by McGee's desk tapping the tips of her fingers together. "It is the risk we take."

Her accented words sent Tony deeper into his reverie as he recounted the familiar feelings, of every high risk situation he had ever been a part of.

Tony had been with NCIS two years before he had his first dealing with losing a fellow agent, Chris Pacci. DiNozzo swallowed in hopes of pushing down the foul taste of bile that threatened to come up at the memory. It had happened years ago, but the memory of the case still made Tony want to puke. He had been aroused and even been lip locked with the person that shot and slashed opened his friend. Tony swallowed convulsively again. Amanda, Voss, whatever name or gender that sick bastard went by, he only wished had he had been the one to pull the trigger and send the bullet into his brain.

Bullet in the brain.

There were still nights when Tony would wake up with the feeling of her blood on his face. He had never lost a partner to a monster before until he lost Kate Todd. He remembered that day when McGee asked her if she had feelings for Tony. Sure, he thought about dating Kate but every time that thought came up, another one would over power it. A different feeling. The kind of feeling you get when you think about kissing your sister. At the end of those two short years, that is what he lost. Not just a friend or a co-worker but his sister. The day that Ari was finally killed and Kate was buried, Tony swore that she would be the last NCIS agent they would have to bury. And for a few years no one in the agency _had_ died- until _that_ weekend.

Special Agents Jim Nelson and Rick Hall had unknowingly taken what no doubt would have been himself and McGee's places in the grave. Being blown up by a soon-to-be suicide bomber. Tony didn't know if that was worse than being shot, but it didn't matter. Two more agents were murdered. And unlike Chris and Kate's killers who got shot in the forehead, this bastard willingly killed himself. He blew himself up so he could get those 72 virgins or whatever Mohammad promised, and be looked upon by his people as a hero who died taking down three NCIS agents. If only that murderer had died in the first explosion, Paula Cassidy would still be alive. But no, he had to kill Cassidy's two agents, leaving her with survivor's guilt, only to show up at the store with that damn bomb strapped on. Now _he_ had the survivor's guilt. Still, to this day, Tony ran though different scenarios in his brain trying to think if there had been a better way, a way that didn't end with Paula throwing herself at the suicide bomber and being blown into pieces, yet none would suffice.

To make everything worse, a year later the Director of NCIS was killed in a gun fight that was entirely preventable and entirely Tony's own fault. He was assigned to protect her. Ziva should have pushed harder on the issue, but he was cruising the streets of Los Angeles while Jenny Shepard was being turned to Swiss cheese. Jenny's death was the last straw. The one that broke his proverbial back. Tony found himself drinking, not only to help numb his guilt and the sorrow that came with her death, but also for those other five agents.

However, in retrospect, Jenny's death was just the crack that allowed him to break when the following summer revealed Ziva's alleged death. No amount of liqueur would work to ease the pain of her death, but traveling to South Africa to avenge her death was the only thing to do. Thankfully, by a miracle by God they had all been wrong and she was still alive to be saved, just barely.

So later when Special Agent Jack Patterson was shot and killed, he had so much practice that for Tony, putting the black elastic band over his badge, well, it almost seemed normal. And that realization made him sick once more. Becoming callused over the dead sailors or their families over the years was one thing, however it should never be normal to bury another NCIS agent, regardless if you knew them or not.

A week ago they had received the report that the missing NCIS agent from Los Angeles Office of Special Projects was killed in a gun fight minutes after being found. After seeing that report Tony found himself driving to Kate's grave. Agent Dominic Vaile's death was so much like Kate's but at the same time so totally different, that it left him conflicted inside. Both were the first ones in their team to be killed and both killings happened on a roof top. Agent Vaile was shot during a gun fight while Kate was killed shortly after one. However Kate was killed only to get at Gibbs, while Agent Vaile jumped in front of the bullets to save another agent. So even though he never knew Dominic Vaile, Tony knew his death all too well. He couldn't help thinking that his death could have just as easily been Ziva's as well. Not all captives escape with their lives.

Tony was suddenly jolted back to reality when Gibbs came into the bullpen and blocked Agent Macy's photo momentarily. "So now what?" he heard Ziva say behind him.

"We assess," McGee simply stated.

Tony could feel the strong emotion of anger as he spoke, "Figure out who killed another female NCIS agent," though as he said it, he knew that there were actually more male agents who were killed. But besides Chris, the other four men were agents he barely knew. On the other hand, Kate, Paula and Jenny, the three female agents, they had been apart of his life.

"And we uphold justice to the full extent of the law," McGee said to Ziva.

But with Special Agent Lara Macy now murdered, that made it nine agents in seven years. There was no law extensive enough to administer proper justice in his mind. He said grimly, "Or do whatever it takes."

A/N: I realized thanks to ComfySweats that I totally forgot about Langer and Lee. However I like my story to much to try and change it to fit them in it and then the story would be called "And That Makes Eleven" and it doesn't sound good So please forgive me if there are any Langer or Lee fans out there…their deaths did have a impact on the show, just like the other nine.


	2. That Makes Eleven

A/N: Okay I feel really, really bad for forgetting Agent Lee and Langer. The guilt was too much for me so I wrote this Chapter Two. It actually came to me when I saw a preview for the new A-Team movie and remembered that Ducky had referred to Langer, Lee and Keating as the B-Team. So here is my little remembrance for Lee and Langer's death. I hope you all will forgive me now

Chapter Two

It was late when team Gibbs started to leave for the night. Gibbs had disappeared somewhere up the stairs, either MTAC or the Director's office. No one really knew nor did they care, they had the green light to leave and they wanted to do so before anything else could stop them. Tony was sitting at his desk closing the last few windows on his monitor before shutting down his computer. As the computer went through the procedures of properly turning off, Tony opened the drawer that held his badge and gun. But when his green eyes fell upon the black band that hugged the gold badge, his hand seemed glued to the drawers handle. McGee and Ziva had already taken the symbol of a fallen agent off their badge earlier in the day. The allotted time was up, the mourning past yet Tony just couldn't take his off of it. Finally he picked up the badge and brought it in front of himself. He couldn't stop his thumbs from running over the cold metal and soft elastic.

McGee moved in front of Tony and Ziva's desk causing Tony to look up. "Did you hear they are doing a remake of The A-Team?" McGee remarked as he headed out.

The question wasn't directed to anyone in particular, but Tony felt obligated to answer being the movie buff he was. He opened his mouth to respond but his words skidded to a halt on his tongue when he saw Palmer waking to the elevators. Tony felt as if he was just punched in the throat. How could he have forgotten the huge B-Team tragedy? He had gotten the email from Abby days before he got the memo on Special Agent Brent Langer's death. Back then he was a traitor who Agent Lee killed in self defense, but as it turned out it was quite the opposite. Langer was another agent he barely knew, however the parts he did know he didn't like. To him Langer was just another FBI agent with a huge chip on his shoulder who took his spot, and that just added more guilt on Tony for forgetting his death. For Langer was an NCIS agent in the end, murdered by a partner.

Tony quickly stood up, gathered his things and was at the elevators before Ziva or McGee knew what happened. DiNozzo headed to the closest bar from the Navy Yard, part of him wanted to go to a place where no one knew him, but Tony needed the alcohol now.

Michael Lee was the first Probie he trained as a lead agent. Even though he had a different relationship with McGee than her, they were still his first Probies. So, because of what happened to Lee made Tony feel like Obi-Wan Kenobi when his Padawan Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side, and it killed him that his mental list of agents killed since he started at NCIS did not have her name on it. Sure, she murdered another agent, tired to steal top secret government information, but she was still an NCIS Special Agent who died in the line of duty. She just strayed from the path. And just like the end of Star Wars Return of the Jedi, she too found her way back.

Tony threw back another shot. He had no idea how many he already had, he just knew that he failed as a leader and that Lee's betrayal was his fault. Maybe if he trained her better, made her feel more apart of the team, the whole Domino disaster would have never happened and Lee and Langer would still be alive. And the list would still be at nine, not eleven.

Tony pulled his badge off of his belt and brought it up to the bar counter. "Hey Steve," the NCIS agent called out to the familiar bartender, "how long have you been working here?"

The middle aged man walked over to Tony after serving another customer, "going on three years."

"I've been at NCIS for seven years and eleven agents have been killed," he said as his eyes never left the black band.

Steve looked down at the badge Tony was holding and let out a sad sigh, "we are living in tuff times."

"What's sad is only one agent has their picture up on that wall," Tony looked up at Steve making eye contact as he motioned to the wall where there were photos of men and women who were lost in the line of duty.

"Really?" the bartender replied as he poured Tony another shot.

"Yep," Tony turned his head and looked at the smiling face of Agent Cassidy. He felt his eyes burn at the recalling of the day Paula died, it was also the day he vocally broke rule ten, the night he told Jeanne he loved her. As Tony was turning his head back to the bar, he noticed an ID badge sticking out the sides of one of the frame, it was Langer's. "Make that two pictures."

Steve looked at the agent getting drunk with each passing minute, and felt sorry for the man who lost of so many fellow agents. He knew survivors guilt when he saw it as it seemed more and more solders came in and drink for those who never came home, all having the same look in their eyes. "How about you give me the other nine agent's picture and I'll see about hanging them up on that wall."

Tony threw back the shot and chased it down with his beer, "your going to need a bigger wall."

The bartender looked over at the wall and sighed, "Man, I hope not."


End file.
